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Dad's Misconception
Published by Terry on 2003/10/2 (2870 reads)
Story for Dad's!
Written not long after Samuel's birth in May 1996.
Written at 34 weeks from gestation or conception. Samuel and Dad are pictured below for their first cuddle ever, two weeks from birth. This is his first story.
I found out at the 17 week ultra sound that our baby was a boy. I was so excited! A little boy to kick the football with, play on the computer and teach manly things. Visions of bouncing babies crawling and laughing sprung in to my mind. I had expectations. (And still do) We all have certain images that automatically become pictures in our mind when certain words are used.
Think about the word baby. What comes to your mind? Probably cute, fat and cuddly little creatures that bring endless joy. (You know what I mean!) Well, throw all that out if you are unfortunate enough to have a child born three months early!
When Samuel was born at 28 weeks I was shocked. I could not believe my eyes. I felt intense grief. How was he alive? His head was huge and his body was very, very small, frail and skinny. You could see every rib bone. He had no butt at all. Hardly a microgram of fat on him. All emotions came at once! I will admit that joy was the very least of these as every preconception of child birth was shattered!
Pain became my constant companion that day. (And still is) What was next? What would happen to him? How would he develop? Would he eventually look normal. I am being very honest here.
I have spoken to many parents of full term babies who could not for the life of them comprehend me. Those of you in the same boat know only too well. Some asked "When can I see him?" Uhhh well he can not breath on his own yet. "When can I hold him?" Ummm, after I do! "When is he coming home?" Didn't I say he was THREE MONTHS EARLY? Hello! Are you listening? My boy weighs less than one kilo (2.5 pounds). He has got a long way to go. I tell you it is a long wait.
Preconceptions are hard to overcome aren't they? Mine have been almost destroyed. Samuel has a IV (intra venous) line in every limb. (And sometimes in his head). He has a tube done his throat through his nose in to his lungs where a machine forces air and oxygen (ventilator) to tell him when to breath. That is just a few things. There is more stuff than baby!
Terry
He is now 34 weeks old. He has was not expected to live once and was close to death another time. He has had more infections than I have had in my whole life! He still can not breath on his own. His lungs have been full of water and blood and his body has been puffed up like a balloon. He swallowed so much air (when he actually did breath without the ventilator) that his bowls and stomach swelled up so much they nearly burst and he almost died! That is just a quick summary.
I write these words to share my heart and comfort those of you in the same horrible circumstance Don't get me wrong, I still believe the best and see that beautiful little boy playing with my dogs in the back yard but it is hard. In fact tears flow right now.
Terry
Written not long after Samuel's birth in May 1996.
Written at 34 weeks from gestation or conception. Samuel and Dad are pictured below for their first cuddle ever, two weeks from birth. This is his first story.
I found out at the 17 week ultra sound that our baby was a boy. I was so excited! A little boy to kick the football with, play on the computer and teach manly things. Visions of bouncing babies crawling and laughing sprung in to my mind. I had expectations. (And still do) We all have certain images that automatically become pictures in our mind when certain words are used.
Think about the word baby. What comes to your mind? Probably cute, fat and cuddly little creatures that bring endless joy. (You know what I mean!) Well, throw all that out if you are unfortunate enough to have a child born three months early!
When Samuel was born at 28 weeks I was shocked. I could not believe my eyes. I felt intense grief. How was he alive? His head was huge and his body was very, very small, frail and skinny. You could see every rib bone. He had no butt at all. Hardly a microgram of fat on him. All emotions came at once! I will admit that joy was the very least of these as every preconception of child birth was shattered! Pain became my constant companion that day. (And still is) What was next? What would happen to him? How would he develop? Would he eventually look normal. I am being very honest here.
I have spoken to many parents of full term babies who could not for the life of them comprehend me. Those of you in the same boat know only too well. Some asked "When can I see him?" Uhhh well he can not breath on his own yet. "When can I hold him?" Ummm, after I do! "When is he coming home?" Didn't I say he was THREE MONTHS EARLY? Hello! Are you listening? My boy weighs less than one kilo (2.5 pounds). He has got a long way to go. I tell you it is a long wait.
Preconceptions are hard to overcome aren't they? Mine have been almost destroyed. Samuel has a IV (intra venous) line in every limb. (And sometimes in his head). He has a tube done his throat through his nose in to his lungs where a machine forces air and oxygen (ventilator) to tell him when to breath. That is just a few things. There is more stuff than baby!
Terry
He is now 34 weeks old. He has was not expected to live once and was close to death another time. He has had more infections than I have had in my whole life! He still can not breath on his own. His lungs have been full of water and blood and his body has been puffed up like a balloon. He swallowed so much air (when he actually did breath without the ventilator) that his bowls and stomach swelled up so much they nearly burst and he almost died! That is just a quick summary. I write these words to share my heart and comfort those of you in the same horrible circumstance Don't get me wrong, I still believe the best and see that beautiful little boy playing with my dogs in the back yard but it is hard. In fact tears flow right now.
Terry
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