Story for Dad’s!

Written not long after Samuel’s birth in May 1996.
Written at 34 weeks from gestation or conception. Samuel and Dad are pictured below for their first cuddle ever, two weeks from birth. This is his first story.

I found out at the 17 week ultra sound that our baby was a boy. I was so excited! A little boy to kick the football with, play on the computer and teach manly things. Visions of bouncing babies crawling and laughing sprung in to my mind. I had expectations. (And still do) We all have certain images that automatically become pictures in our mind when certain words are used.

Think about the word baby. What comes to your mind? Probably cute, fat and cuddly little creatures that bring endless joy. (You know what I mean!) Well, throw all that out if you are unfortunate enough to have a child born three months early!

When Samuel was born at 28 weeks I was shocked. I could not believe my eyes. I felt intense grief. How was he alive? His head was huge and his body was very, very small, frail and skinny. You could see every rib bone. He had no butt at all. Hardly a microgram of fat on him. All emotions came at once! I will admit that joy was the very least of these as every preconception of child birth was shattered!

Pain became my constant companion that day. (And still is) What was next? What would happen to him? How would he develop? Would he eventually look normal. I am being very honest here.

I have spoken to many parents of full term babies who could not for the life of them comprehend me. Those of you in the same boat know only too well. Some asked “When can I see him?” Uhhh well he can not breath on his own yet. “When can I hold him?” Ummm, after I do! “When is he coming home?” Didn’t I say he was THREE MONTHS EARLY? Hello! Are you listening? My boy weighs less than one kilo (2.5 pounds). He has got a long way to go. I tell you it is a long wait.

Preconceptions are hard to overcome aren’t they? Mine have been almost destroyed. Samuel has a IV (intra venous) line in every limb. (And sometimes in his head). He has a tube done his throat through his nose in to his lungs where a machine forces air and oxygen (ventilator) to tell him when to breath. That is just a few things. There is more stuff than baby!

TerryHe is now 34 weeks old. He has was not expected to live once and was close to death another time. He has had more infections than I have had in my whole life! He still can not breath on his own. His lungs have been full of water and blood and his body has been puffed up like a balloon. He swallowed so much air (when he actually did breath without the ventilator) that his bowls and stomach swelled up so much they nearly burst and he almost died! That is just a quick summary.

I write these words to share my heart and comfort those of you in the same horrible circumstance Don’t get me wrong, I still believe the best and see that beautiful little boy playing with my dogs in the back yard but it is hard. In fact tears flow right now.

 

Living Miracles of Book of Hope – 2003

Written September 1996 some 4 months after Samuel’s birth.I personally think our emotions are the most complex part of us. We react to everything around us with certain feelings, sometimes ones we are unaware of. Say the word “spider” and most people would grimace or say “urhhhh!”Parents of premature babies react like anyone else. The feelings we experience are normal but often not understood by others around us. Let’s face it everyone knows someone who has had a premature baby but not as many actually have.

I will share with you what my wife and I felt and how we dealt or failed to deal with the many emotions we experienced and still are. Each of us are individuals but I know I would be foolish to assume no one else has felt what I have felt or gone through what I have. In the final analysis we are in fact very alike in the way we feel. Maybe someone will read this and agree.

Initial Shock

The first emotion I felt was shock. Utter disbelief. Seeing this tiny out of proportion baby that did not resemble a new born. We had been through the mill for almost five weeks prior and were already in a drained emotional state. At the same time there was a certain amount of relief because the uncertainty we had experienced due to the delay of the C Section.

What should we feel? We were in new territory. How can you know how you will react under pressure if you have not experienced it? A friend who spent some time in the US Army told me only 10 per cent of soldiers actually fire back effectively during battle. Why? Because of pressure they have not had to cope with previously. I suppose they are shocked. 

People congratulated us, sent us flowers, patted me on the back and asked me how it was to be a father. We did not want any of these things because we were in shock. Our baby was very sick and that is all that occupied our thoughts.

Disappointment and Grief

We felt disappointed that we had been robbed of the normal pregnancy. You know the story. You are told you (both of you) are going to have a baby and you are given a due date. When all of a sudden the baby comes really early you feel that disappointment.

You see other mothers with their children happy and playing and your thoughts go to your little one in intensive care. Karla said she often felt “ripped off” because she had not experienced all the wonders of pregnancy she had expected. It is all about expecting certain things and them not happening at all or the way you think they should be.

A child should not be in world three months early. The child should be still in its mothers womb; growing and being nurtured in a beautiful way that only a mother can. The womb is awesome and no amount of advanced equipment can come any where near it! When you see your baby struggling because he/she is not meant to be here yet the pang of hurt inside you is enormous. I can only guess how much more worse it must be for a mother.

Anger

Here is that emotion that is thrown around so much these days. Once you get over the initial shock and then disappointment the next thing that will probably knock on your hearts door will be anger. This was a very difficult one for me.

You find yourself lashing out at people and situations for no reason at all. We both were angry about what was happening. You feel so helpless that the only response you can find is anger. Anger at the world, anger at others who seem less deserving and angry at yourself because you can do nothing to change what has occurred.

However anger is dangerous however if left unchecked. We had to constantly talk to each other about what we were feeling. That was the key for us. Not to let it burn inside and build up. We are all human and I know that I had so much anger that it was turning in to bitterness. I had to let it go. Face it first and then let it go. Easier said then done. 

Not Alone

What made it easier? We felt we were not alone. We knew God was somehow looking after us and this brought amazing peace. Why has He let it happen? This question I threw at God many times deep in my heart. I do not understand why only that I had two choices, bitterness or to let it go.

I don’t intend to get all religious here. We also had many people supporting us (and still do ) who cared. Not in a passing way but in a real way. Some times all you need is someone to listen or just be a friend without actually saying anything. We found talking about anything else helped as the constant questions about the trauma seemed to make it look bigger and more painful.

So What Then? 

There is nothing Karla and I could do about our feelings. Denial only made it worse. What would we say to you now if you are going through the meat grinder? Don’t get bitter and don’t isolate yourself. Find real friends and to ease the burden. Couples should talk to each other about it. All very simple. I am not a therapist I only share with you our experience. We were not the first and we will not be the last. There is probably someone much worse off.

 

This account was written not long after our little budskie’s birth. We had no ideal what lay ahead. We hope it helps you understand the pain parents go through. We also hope that it relates to those currently experiencing the same pain of having a little one born so early.

“When we found out that our baby may come early we were both nervous and excited. The long wait in hospital would be over. Karla had been in hospital for high blood pressure for four weeks. The Doctors had put off the C section twice already. Karla was very stressed as you can imagine. Originally baby was going to be delivered at twenty six weeks.

Finally the wait was over. We had got as much time as we could get. Time is so vital. One more day in the womb means so much. One week is significant! The amount of growth that takes place at this time is amazing. Better in the womb than in the harsh world.

They prepped Karla at 1pm and delivered Samuel at about 140pm on 9 May 1996. He was tiny. He weighed 955 grams. There was hardly an once of meat on him. However he was not that much smaller than a baby at 28 weeks. He should have in the womb for further 12 weeks. The difference between a 28 week old and a 32 week old baby is enormous. The difference between a full term and Samuel was worlds apart.

He was as you may already know totally formed but very immature. To Terry?s surprise he heard Samuel cry. He breathed for about seven minutes on his own before he was intubated. (This is were a tube is inserted through the nose directly in to the branch of the lungs to assist in breathing.) The ventilator would help him breath and oxygen would supplement his inability to extract it from the air for long periods of time. Babies at this age can not survive long without help.

His long existence in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit would begin. (He has at least 5 weeks to go at the writing of this story.)

The Doctors first impressions were good. He was a good pink red colour. Dr Tracey started his explanation of what can happen and the fact that not everything always goes right. Little did we know! We humans are normally optimistic by nature. Hope always seems to come in the front of our thoughts.

His first week of life was uneventful. He was already off oxygen and they were considering taking him off the ventilator. We thought this must be it; just twelve weeks of plain sailing.

On a Friday afternoon Terry called the hospital to see how Samuel was, expecting to hear the normal, ?He?s going well!? The Doctor suggested he come in immediately as Samuel was in a critical condition. This implied that he may not make it. Apparently he had gone blue and stopped breathing. When they took out the tube down to his lungs it was blocked with blood. They had tried to re-intubate him (replace the tube) however he was not getting better.

As Terry worked over an hour from the hospital he had to catch a train (not very reliable). It seemed like the slowest trip travelling on the train that afternoon. A call from the train using the mobile phone confirmed that he had become slightly more stable.

Eventually Terry arrived at the hospital to find Samuel in critical condition. He was on very high pressures to force air in to the lungs and 100% oxygen. This meant his lungs were very seriously injured. X-Rays showed that much of his lungs were collapsed. They were also being filled with blood due to a heavy haemorrhage. He looked terrible and our hearts went out to him. ‘, ‘Nothing can prepare you for something like this. There is a total misconception in our community that if a baby was born early he/she will be fine because of how far medical science had advanced. True, the science has advanced however they can not even come close to taking the place of a human womb. Babies born early are very vulnerable to disaster. It is almost certain that at least something will go wrong with a premature baby, especially if they are born before 30 weeks. We were under the general innocent misconception.

That night we stayed at the hospital in a room just behind the Bay (Intensive Care) where Samuel was in case he was not going to make it. Medical staff will never say that however it is easy to read between the lines. The Doctors and nurses were excellent during this time. As they freely admit, they do not know everything and can never be 100% sure what will happen until it happens. This situation was no exception.

After a sleepless night he made it through and slowly recovered. We found out weeks later that not many nursing staff thought he would. This just underlines the seriousness of his circumstances. So ended our first major trauma.

The next week was amazing for Samuel. He progressed from near death to coming off the ventilator and spending time without any assistance. He went along firing on all cylinders. Could this be the end of his difficult times? We thought so. He was doing so well!

On Sunday night the phone rang and a familiar nurse tells us Samuel has been re-intubated because his bowels and stomach have filled up with so much air that it cut off his breathing. This was caused again by a blocked tube. This time mucus was the culprit and thankfully not blood. We immediately rushed to the hospital as they do not call for minor reasons.

He looked very sick again. His oxygen levels were increased and we began the agonising process of watching and waiting.

He greatly improved during the next week or so however he was again stricken with an infection. This time it appeared it was in the lungs. They were full of mucus or a water which greatly reduces the lung?s effectiveness. Apparently this chronic problem is common to these babies as the ventilator scars the lungs.

A few days later he also got a high temperature. This just about brings us to the present. We have not given every single aspect of his seven week life however it does give you a fair indication of what can happen and does happen to parents and babies.

His life at this time is unpleasant for him and for us. It very painful for a parent to watch helplessly as their child suffers. There is nothing at all a parent can do except believe for the best. As Christian parents we prayed for him before and after his birth and ever since. We did not expect any of this thing to happen but the reality is they did. Only the certain knowledge of God has sustained us through this.

This leads us to the most significant challenge ahead of us and Samuel. After four weeks each baby has an ultra sound on the brain to see any changes. Damage typically takes four to six weeks to show. Nothing could prepare us for the news we heard.

They located holes in the centre of his brain where the two halves meet. (Simply put) This is caused by brain tissue being deprived of blood and therefore oxygen. The cells then perish causing liquid ?pockets? as they naturally break down. The area of the brain is mainly responsible for movement. This condition is known as PVL (periventricular leukomalacia) You can follow this link for an accurate description now.

After one week they did another test and found it had worsened. In fact, it was only showing history. The damage had probably occurred in the womb. So what does science basically say?

We have been told that he is in the highest risk category for serious disabilities. If he only ends up with minor disabilities (ie Forest Gump?s calliper etc) we would be very, very fortunate. The Doctor said that if he turns out normal it would be a pure and simple miracle. We have also told that besides movement, the condition affects the child?s mental ability, speech, etc.

So this is what we believe for; a miracle. There are many testimonies of children born with serious damage to the brain like Samuel living perfectly normal lives. A member of the family who is a scientist read about a child with 80% of his brain damaged living a normal child?s life. Another article we read described a young boy who did nor move until he was three years old and now is like any other four year old.

We have personally experienced miracles and Terry has seen people who have also experienced miracles. This is where we are now. Samuel is beautiful boy and has a rich life to live.

 

My name is barbara and i recently had a horrifyingexprience. my son was born on mothers day 2009at 1lb.9oz 23 weeks old gestation.he fought for his lifein NICU for 6months.after the first week he was born,his lungs colapsed on his heart(pneumathorax) and thedoctors gave him 24 hours to live.it was the worst dayever so we baptized him and said his goodbye. he livedthru that. he had stage 2 and 3 brain bleeds,stage rushrop of the eyes which he had to have lazor surgery,had multiple bradys which a few were so bad it took 2minutesto bring him back to life. he also got NEC which they tookmost of his intestines out which he has short gut..so many events happend. but he kept fighting for hislife and he is alive and well today.even the doctors say he shouldntbe alive after going thru so much trauma.he is my miracle. he mademe strong and im so thankful to have him in my life speciallyafter i lost my daughter 3 years before him.

 

hi my name is barbara and i recently had a horrifying
exprience. my son was born on mothers day 2009
at 1lb.9oz 23 weeks old gestation.he fought for his life
in NICU for 6months.after the first week he was born,
his lungs colapsed on his heart(pneumathorax) and the
doctors gave him 24 hours to live.it was the worst day
ever so we baptized him and said his goodbye. he lived
thru that. he had stage 2 and 3 brain bleeds,stage rush
rop of the eyes which he had to have lazor surgery,had
multiple bradys which a few were so bad it took 2minutes
to bring him back to life. he also got NEC which they took
most of his intestines out which he has short gut..
so many events happend. but he kept fighting for his
life and he is alive and well today.even the doctors say he shouldnt
be alive after going thru so much trauma.he is my miracle. he made
me strong and im so thankful to have him in my life specially
after i lost my daughter 3 years before him.

 
HELP SAVE MALEYAH MARIE
DONATE TODAY!

Born 18 weeks premature, on 7/13/10 at 1 Lb. 9 Ounces and 11 Inches Long, this precious angel has a long road ahead of her. Doctors have given her a 10% survival rate. She has several ongoing complications & is facing numerous more. Right now she is currently in critical condition in the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit) at a local hospital with 24 hour around the clock monitoring. Being born so early her lungs are not completely developed & she is connected to high frequency oscillator ventilator.

On 7/19 her right lung collapsed & she has been propped on her side. Since her skin is so thin only her hands are able to be held & she is unable to be touched or held by her loving family & friends & cannot open her eyes. Also while a tube was being place though her umbilical cord oxygen was cut off to her right leg & her foot turned black but is slowly regaining its normal color. Maleyah has received several blood transfusions due to low white cell count & may need several more. She is also on insulin due to high sugar. The family is being told the next few days will be the most critical ahead & she could pass away any day. The hospital is also not equipped to perform any surgeries on her if she should require it.
Maleyah needs to URGENTLY be transferred via Life Flight to Rainbow & Babies, something the insurance company will not cover & the family can not financially afford (Estimated cost is between $5-8 thousand dollars). Rainbow has everything she needs to be fully and properly cared for and
WE NEED TO GET HER THERE!!!REMEMBER EVERY DOLLAR & PRAYER COUNTS TO REACHING THE GOAL,THE GOAL OF LIFE FOR MALEYAH!!!Monetary donations are being accepted through the families Paypal (www.paypal.com) account illicitimagez@yahoo.com and also at any FIRST MERIT BANK under THE MALEYAH EDWARDS BENEVOLENT FUND to aid the family during this difficult time.Thank you for all of your well wishes, prayers, donations, and ongoing support.HTTP://WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/HELPMALEYAHMARIEhelpmaleyahmarie@yahoo.com
 

My son Korbin was due May 10, 2008 but was born 9 weeks early on March 11, 2008 at 6:44 PM. He was 1lb. 14oz. and just 12 3/4″ long. He came home on April 18, 2008 after he was in the NICU for 5 1/2 weeks

Read on..

Korbin’s web site.

 

My daughter, Cora, was born 7 weeks early, in November of 2005. When I went in for my 7 month checkup, I was sent to the hospital due to high blood pressure. Later that day, my OB confirmed I had HELLP syndrome, a pregnancy complication. Cora was delivered 4 days later. At birth she was 3 lbs 4 oz. She spent exactly 4 weeks in the NICU, and was 4 and a half pounds when she came home.

Those days were terrifying and bewildering, but the incredible strength of those infants and the phenomenal care and dedication of the NICU doctors and nurses is something that has left a lasting imprint on my heart. Cora is turning 5 years old this November. She spent her first Thanksgiving in the NICU, and each year I’ve marked the occasion with a donation to a local NICU.

This year, I’m inspired to do something more significant. I have published a book about my and Cora’s experience, titled Outside the Isolette, Looking In.

The book tells Cora’s full story and shares my experiences and reactions leading up to, during, and after my daughter’s birth.

It includes the personal journal I kept while my daughter was in the NICU, a daily chronical of her development, and the process of our life returning to ‘normal’. The proceeds from the book will be donated to March for Babies, to advance preemie research.

Thanks,
Rebekah

The book – Outside the Isolette, Looking In

 

My son Korbin was due May 10, 2008 but was born 9 weeks early on March 11, 2008 at 6:44 PM. He was 1lb. 14oz. and just 12 3/4″ long. He came home on April 18, 2008 after he was in the NICU for 5 1/2 weeks

Read on..

Korbin’s web site.

 

Twin girls Holland Mirabell & Eden Deanna were born prematurely at 24 weeks 3 days gestation on July 31st, 2004, 3:02 am. At birth Holland was 1 lb 3.5 oz, 11.5″, Eden 1 lb 5.5 oz, 12″. This is their story...

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